When you’re going through all the horrible times in life you don’t realise the reason God is making you go through it. I have been through some tough times and there was questions of why, are you serious God, I just want it to end, I can’t take anymore. Which lead to anger, sadness, depression, anxiety and hurt. But I ever realised that what I was going through then was making me into a stronger person. I had to be broken so I could be fixed.

Silence when you need God the most

My experience of going through tough time is God seems to be so far away and so silent, so I thought. I didn’t get the you should do this, you should do that. I got no peace and I had a lot of anger. There was also no loud voice in my head saying I’ve got you. I heard nothing.

I was consumed God didn’t care and didn’t want to help. I would ask God for help and not minute I’ll do things myself, I’ll pray and then want things to be answered straight away. I’ll be so angry and full of rage when things was fallen apart. but little did I know that God was trying to answer my prayers and he was trying to get through to me.

God was there all along. I just couldn’t see or hear him in the mess that I was in. All I had to do was focus on him and get closer to him. I had to acknowledge that I was doing things on my own and stop and wait on God. I had to acknowledge God’s timing is not my timing. I had to apologies to God. I had to accept that he has forgiven me.

“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.”

‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭3:8‬ ‭NLT‬

Then I had to allow God to fight my battles, I had to be still and know that he is God, and he is God all by himself. He didn’t need me to do anything but breathe and calm down. It was easier said than done but I eventually did it. The next was to work on praying and wanting things to be done now, I’m still working on but I am getting there. I have now come to realise that when God is quite he is just waiting for me to shut up, be still and listen.

How is hurt and pain going to work out for my good?

I didn’t know it at the time, but what I went through was God’s way of preparing me to help and encourage others. Things didn’t feel nice at the time, things didn’t feel comfortable, I was tired emotionally and physically. Everyday during that season I would get up thinking I don’t want to be here. Every day I put on a fake smile. Every day was a struggle but I seem to make it through the day. 20 years later, I am here, I am stronger, wiser, only have good friends around me. God definitely worked things out for my good.

To be continued………….

Be encouraged and Stay blessed x